Miasma

by Hunter Vaughn

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    All art was designed and put together by Hunter Vaughn

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05:17
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credits

released October 28, 2016

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Hunter Vaughn Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Her Summer Dress
It's cold outside, yet we lay with each other just to keep the room warm. There's dust in the closet where your summer dress never gets worn. These endless days bred from restless nights, it's getting hard to pretend.
Cause deep inside I'm screaming and dying just to see my sunshine again.

It's warmer now but winter's scar still burns the back of my neck.
The sweat on my brow bleeding to my eyes makes it easy to forget.
The phantom lines of the walk-in show promise of better days
and I'll be everything you'll ever want me to be if you'll help keep my darkness away.
Track Name: Mirrors Were Made to be Broken
(Instrumental)
Track Name: Last Stop
(Instrumental)
Track Name: Red Eye Movement
(Instrumental)
Track Name: Happy Thoughts
I went into rehab with a trashcan in my hands
The glass' sweat running down my arms I tried my best to stand
and keep my best complexion faking smiles and walking lines.
I had to get my files and take back what was mine.

They took the chain around my neck and threw it in a box
and said you won't need this inside these walls when that door slams and locks.
I'm alright, I'm okay. I'll see it later on this day.
If it can be done slow, I'll do it faster than you may.

Everyone surrounding me looked different from the rest.
Some using heroin like insulin. Others fail to rest.
In the middle of all these broken people, I felt so secure.
I fell to my knees and cried my heart out. I couldn't take it anymore.

Now I'm walking out with a new lid on my head.
Fist clenched in my right hand; medical release in my left.
Dad, I'm sorry I stole your pills...
Mom, I'm sorry I made you cry...
But I promise I'll be fine, if only on the outside.
Track Name: Hand Me Downs
Reasoning with your reasonings.
Why do I want such menial things?
A beautiful smile and silver bells
when I fight like hell just to keep myself well?

I'm tired of running,
I don't want to hide.
But the blood that I'm bleeding is still buried deep inside.
I don't understand why
I'm hurting this way.
But mom said "In time, love, it all goes away."
When is my time going to come?
Could you please just answer me that?

The weight in my legs makes it hard for me to rest.
The fire that was once in my eyes is now burning in my chest.
I'm tired of always running away and never asking why.
Am I running from memories or the knives stuck in my spine?

Mother can you please take this pain away?
And hold me in your arms again till sunshine cuts the rain.
Mother can you tuck me in and tell me it will be alright?
Could you take my darkest mind and show me to the light?

But most of all will you still love me when I forsake myself?
Track Name: I Might Be Dying
Forget your foundation of lies
Abandon all your works and give into depression
Don't try to shake me off again.
I know you better than you even know yourself
Give into starvation
and let your pain be real.
I am the voice inside you dying to get out
You see me when you lose control, when you scream and shout.
No one's going to save you and bring you to the light
If you want it, you've gotta earn it
You've gotta scratch and bite.

I am the It.
I take your pain and I amplify it.
The reason you can't sleep at night.
Your red eyes stare at ghosts on your ceiling.
I put you on drugs and I've made you bleed.
And I don't get off until you die!

I am the It inside of you dying to get out.
They never loved you
and you've never loved them.
It doesn't matter in this life.
You're living for an end.
Track Name: Mr. Sleep (Explicit)
1) Don't Let me Lose You: (Instrumental)

2) Black Mass:

I know I appear of able body and sound mind
but I've torn this page up and burned it one hundred thousand times.
I know I seem together through fake smiles and steady hands
but I don't ever sleep, I never have and it's made me what I am.

I've let my complexion get away from me.
Raccoon eyes see better in the dark.
In the mornings I'm cutting my teeth
just for something new.
I know my concrete skin seems calloused
but underneath beats a porcelain heart.
I've grown tired of picking up the pieces so I'd better break it myself.

I burned all your notes off the tip of my cigarette
and watched every word you ever wrote me die with the sunset.
I took one last drag and ashed it out on your picture.
I know you always loved dark poetry,
How could I ever forget?

3) Moonlit Dark City:

I feel the embers burn my fingers as I fade back into my car. These days, I've grown so disassociated, often I lose any grip I have at all. I'm not grounded to anyone or anything and I have nothing to rely on. When I sleep... when I'm sleeping alone, I often leave a light on. Not for fear, just knowing it's all still real. I can still fell your fist depressing into my chest. The wrenching in my guts makes it hard for me to sleep. Your scream still rings in my ears and shakes me to my core. With every line that I breathe in, always feeling I need more. It makes it hard for me to sleep. Sleep acts as an obfuscator, so I'll avoid him all I can. And when my dreams finally come back to me, I'll welcome them in open hands. Until then, I guess Insomnia will lay beside me. Maybe in his cold, limp arms I can find some sense of peace. It isn't you... it isn't me. It will never be we... Maybe I will never be.

4) All That's Left to Say:

I never liked to wear my issues on my sleeves,
but I've let the wardrobe out now.
The dust stays there;
on the lights and on the stairs
but all of your cute little dresses are gone now.

I guess somethings in life just never change.

Daddy used to beat me, but the worst was when he struck us with his words.
Mommy tried to kill me, but it was only in my head.
I wish that I could finish what you started but I just can't find it in myself.
So now I'm stuck here writing cause happiness was never meant for me.

I guess somethings in life just never change.

I know I seem of able body and sound mind,
but I've torn this page up and burned it one hundred thousand times.
I know I seem just like I'm doing well
but then why do I feel guilty every time my blood is spilled?
And now I'm listing everything we had with a tear just under lid.
Listening to those love songs with meanings I will always miss.
Staring at the dark night's sky thinking about your icy hands
and how I'll never hold them again
Yet I couldn't be more glad.

I guess somethings in life can change after all.
Track Name: Silver Bells
(Instrumental)
Track Name: The Best of Us
Looks like my number's up
I can't see straight or breathe enough
The black rings around my eyes are deep enough to swim in.
I stare and watch the shadows dance
Spend most of waking life entranced.
The miasma in my brain, I feel it in my blood as well.
I'd drink myself to death, but I'd probably wind up swimming.
I don't think you could kill me if you tried.
But through all the wasted falls and all the hollow tears I've cried,
I'd take my pain and yours just to make you smile.

I know I said my songs would be happier this time
but you keep finding ways to stake your stake into my spine.
I can't sleep again I've found with all your clothes around my bed
but you're not here.
I know you're better off without me and I probably am as well
I can finally feel I'm in control.
Now the fog is lifting clear and I can see the hate that got me here
Was never quite my own.

I found the best of us at the bottom of this bottle.
The high I'd been living in came crashing down.
I found the best of me had sunken to the bottom
and been drowning in poison that we gave unto each other.